An abstract representation of the word 'love'

Reflections on Friendship

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After a very productive ‘deep and meaningful’ conversation with one of my best friends recently, I started to reflect on the nature of friendship, and a few thoughts emerged regarding what constitutes a healthy friendship.  These are my reflections.

There is a place of true connectedness where both friends can be free to be their childlike selves – there is a zone where nothing is being suppressed and where all emotions can be expressed without reservation or tension; happiness, sadness, anger, joy, frustration, anxiety, etc.  In the zone of pure friendship, much laughter is to be found.  Laughter arises quite spontaneously when both friends feel at ease, which is the result of sharing openly.  There are no awkward silences in the zone – silences, maybe, but they are comfortable and natural.

The zone can be reached by talking in depth about our experience of being in the present moment.  We can ask our friend the question, ‘What are you feeling right now?’.  It is helpful to explore what is going on in the body.  Do I feel nervous?  Tense?  Fragile?  Exploring these things in the context of a friendship helps us to open up, and to feel at ease.

There are normally stories attached to our present moment feelings, which can be expressions of a more complex past.  These stories might be of hurt, frustration, or loneliness, and might be the result of years of negative feeling being somehow stored up in the body.  To share these stories can be liberating, can help heal broken hearts, and can help friends feel closer together.

In a true friendship there is no need or possessiveness, but instead there is an unconditional love.  When you love a person for who they are, you don’t need them, you simply want them to be happy.

There never needs to be a reason for a friendship, and it can be damaging to say that your friend is your friend because of such and such a reason, because they make you laugh or because you have the same taste in music.  A deep and true friendship will be about so much more that what you have in common with someone – it will be about love.

Friendships are a gift from God and a true blessing.  They are to be valued, nurtured, and worked upon, so that hurdles are overcome and a depth of connection is sustained.

21 comments

  1. I was going through a major bout of un-diagnosed procrastination a few minutes ago and I found this hidden gem of a post! 🙂 Wow! It’s similar to the last two posts that I made the last couple of days! I try not to read other peoples stuff so I can stay “original” haha. So I am glad I found this after I wrote my posts! I like were you said “There is a place of true connectedness where both friends can be free to be their childlike selves – there is a zone where nothing is being suppressed and where all emotions can be expressed without reservation or tension; happiness, sadness, anger, joy, frustration, anxiety, etc.” #Yes!!!! #TrueStory Child-likeness, we don’t have enough of it in the world and when people are childlike the world has a way of desensitizing them 😥

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahhh bless you Selasi! Glad you stumbled upon this old post, good opportunity for me to ‘dust it off’ and remember what was going on in my life when I wrote it! It’s cool that you’ve been writing about friendships and relationships too, there are some words of wisdom in your posts! God bless you and stay blogful (Ha! There’s a silly phrase I just invented 😉) 🙂

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  2. Steven, great work! Your observations, your artistic writing style, even your grammer is on point. I loved the article and will share to my facebook page. I would reblog but I have no idea how to do it. Lol. Very nice piece!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey there excellent blog! Does running a blog like this take a lot of
    work? I’ve virtually no understanding of computer programming however I had been hoping to start my
    own blog in the near future. Anyways, if you have any ideas or techniques
    for new blog owners please share. I understand this is off subject nevertheless I
    just wanted to ask. Kudos!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi there! Many thanks for you kind words about my blog. The short answer is yes, it takes a lot of work! If you’d like some pointers, please email me (my email address is on the Contact page) and I would be happy to help! Best wishes, Steven

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  4. Did this bring tears to my eyes, of course. Though we have never met, I have always felt a connection with you, especially after purchasing your first book The Philosophy of a Mad Man. For sometime now I have been going through all of the emotions. Sometimes you wish someone could understand, God is the only one who knows the ❤inside you and he’s the one we talk to the most. This post touched my heartstrings, God Bless You Friend❤

    Liked by 1 person

        1. Oh, thank you! Because I’ve been blogging using that title since 2012 it’s easy for me to take it for granted. But a lot of thought went into it and it certainly captures something of the way I see reality. So glad you like it! 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  5. I have had many people pose as friends in my life, and I was only to find out later that our “friendship” was dependent upon my views on politics, religion, even music staying parallel to theirs. I’d say that truly listening is a huge part of a good friendship. People tend to base friendship on whether your life stories are pleasant and entertaining to them. Thanks for the good insights.

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      1. Great post, and synchronistic for me. I am currently going through an extremely difficult time with my best friend and [former] lover of 14 years. We’re trying to figure out what kind of relationship we can still have, but are on extremely precarious grounds right now. I don’t know how to return to the kind of friendship you describe here, which we used to have. I’m not sure that we even can. All I know is that I seem to be making a lot of mistakes. But this article has given me some clarity and much to think about. Thank you!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Hi there! So sorry to hear about your very difficult relationship with your best friend. I’m sure you’re not looking for my advice, but all I will say is that psychotherapy has been tremendously helpful for me in dealing with interpersonal stuff. I hope you’re able to figure things out. Thanks so much for your comment! Peace and blessings, Steven

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  6. I love this piece. Having a friend such as you describe is not only a gift from God but a rare thing in my life. If you have even two people in your life such as you have expressed you are very blessed. Sometimes I am curious if it is easier for men to have these “raw” relationships than it is for women. You are so right in your description of what a true friendship should be composed of and I will take five please. Beautifully put my brother. May we all be so blessed. To be able to dance in the rain while laughing or crying while our makeup drips all over our face, until we are spent and still go out for ice cream. Thank you for sharing your work.

    Liked by 1 person

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