Perfect Chaos

The Blog of Author Steven Colborne

The Pull Towards Jesus

Hi everyone. There’s so much I could share with you today, but I am going to make this post brief because I want to have some quality prayer, worship, and Bible reading time this evening.

On Wednesday, with the help of the pastor from a church I used to go to and one of his congregants, I moved all my belongings to the new flat. It went pretty smoothly, with limited contact with the troublesome neighbour, and the pastor was happy that I could donate many of my old belongings to the church. It was a tiring day (actually, that’s an understatement; I was completely shattered by the time everything was loaded in and unpacked!) but thank God there was no major trouble.

Since moving in, things have been tough. There’s a couple staying in the flat who haven’t exactly given me a warm welcome. I’ve also had a problem in that my bank messed up the process of issuing me with a new card for my new address, so I might have to wait a week for that to arrive. There’s also been lots to sort out in terms of finances, updating my address in many places, cancelling certain direct debits, and a host of other things.

I’ve spent quite a bit of time in prayer over the last couple of days, and today I found myself reaching for one of my Bibles. God directed me to Psalm 6, and it is an incredibly relevant psalm that really speaks into my circumstances:

Lord, do not rebuke me in Your anger,
Nor chasten me in Your hot displeasure.
Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I am weak;
Lord, heal me, for my bones are troubled.
My soul also is greatly troubled;
But You, O Lord—how long?

Return, O Lord, deliver me!
Oh, save me for Your mercies’ sake!
For in death there is no remembrance of You;
In the grave who will give You thanks?

I am weary with my groaning;
[b]All night I make my bed swim;
I drench my couch with my tears.
My eye wastes away because of grief;
It grows old because of all my enemies.

Depart from me, all you workers of iniquity;
For the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping.
The Lord has heard my supplication;
The Lord will receive my prayer.
10 Let all my enemies be ashamed and greatly troubled;
Let them turn back and be ashamed suddenly.

I’m yet to fully understand why God has moved me from my previous accommodation to this new flat. It is, of course, a great relief to be free from that troublesome neighbour, but I have been really struggling to understand what plans God has for me here. I don’t yet feel settled. I know I already shared with you my plans to set up a business, but I need to pray about all aspects of that and whether it will be wise to apply for a small business loan at this time.

It might surprise you to know that I’m planning to visit a local church on Sunday. It could be a really difficult and frustrating experience, because of my theological problems (often shared on this blog) with the Christian faith, but there’s a part of me that feels I need Jesus and that He is perhaps the answer to my troubles (there’s no need to comment saying “Yes, Jesus is the way!” because I fully understand that Christians believe this and while I’m not a theological expert when it comes to Christianity, I’m certainly not a novice — read this essay and you’ll understand).

I will keep you posted, but (once again) I ask for your prayers, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayer support surrounding the move and everything else. I am very fortunate to have such amazingly kind readers.

Peace and blessings,


26 responses to “The Pull Towards Jesus”

  1. I will continue to pray for you brother. I encourage you to keep drawing close to Jesus! God bless you!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you very much, Ryan! God bless you too my friend 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Glad to hear you made it to your new place! Hope you have a peaceful and enlightening time at church and that you feel settled soon.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you very much, Esther! I appreciate the kind words 😊 Hope all is well with you.


  3. I’ve been praying through many of the laments lately. I’ll be praying for you as well – for peace, direction, discernment, and a certain sense of Gods presence and work in your life.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Sounds wonderful, Jennifer! Thank you so much. I’ll have to look up the laments. God bless you!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Psalm 6 can be described as an individual lament, although not everyone does. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Ah, okay! Thanks Jennifer 🙏🏻

          Liked by 1 person

  4. Prayers are meditation. They empower you from within and make you do the right thing. I am happy for you that your life is again on the right track, slowly and surely. Have faith and everything will be fine. Keep me on your prayers as well

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you very much, May! Just said a prayer for you. Appreciate the reassuring words 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Glad you didn’t get hassle from your old neighbour during the move. Hope you feel settled soon. Praying for you.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yeah, that was such a blessing! Thank you very much, I hope so too. God bless you!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Beautiful post, Steven. I so appreciate reading about your humbleness to simply ‘obey’, as it were, the pull.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, Tara! Everything feels somewhat strange at the moment but I’m doing my best. God bless you.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Prayers for you brother!

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Things happen in accordance with God’s will. I join you in prayers and hope that He reveals His plans to you in his perfect and beautiful time.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, Tina. I really appreciate those words. God bless you 🙏🏻

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Still praying. Glad you are keeping us updated!

    Liked by 3 people

  10. I just prayed for you, Stephen, after reading. I know having new flatmates and adjusting to new environments can be hard (I’ve had toxic ones myself) but give it time.

    I’m glad God drew you to the Psalms; they’re a great reminder of the human experience and all it entails. I hope you had an enlightening experience at the local church. Praying for you.


    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you very much for your kindness, Dylan. God bless you 🙏🏻

      Liked by 1 person

Steven Colborne

About Me

Hello, I’m Steven and I’m a philosopher and author based in London. My main purpose as a writer is to encourage discussion about God. I write about a wide variety of subjects related to philosophical theology, including divine sovereignty, the nature of God, suffering, interfaith dialogue and more. My mantra: Truth heals.

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