Man with hoodie looking out

Prayer and Donations Request

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I spent the last couple of nights back at the flat. Although there were no incidents (I am always careful to avoid confrontations), the atmosphere in the building was horrible, with my neighbour slamming the front door aggressively yesterday night and generally trying to cause trouble, as he always does.

I stayed up late into the night reading through all the notes I have made over the last eight years; everything he has done that has been unkind, everything that has been a breach of his tenancy agreement, everything that is illegal, everything that is deceptive, everything that is confrontational. I have around 30 documents detailing all these things, explaining why I have been in emergency accommodation three times, had two breakdowns and dragged myself to A&E both times, spent nights wandering the streets of London, started smoking from the immense stress…

I cannot stay in that building any longer. Being around evil drives me mad. Living with evil for eight years has pushed me to my limits. There have been times when I’ve despaired so much I’ve lay on the floor crying, pleading with God to give me a breakthrough and free me from the oppressive atmosphere and perpetual wickedness.

People ask me, why don’t you just move out? Don’t think I haven’t prayed for God to help and guide me every day — of course I have. I have tried to hear and obey the voice of God even when His direction has been counter-intuitive to me. God is infinitely wise. He has repeatedly said to me that I should not resign my tenancy, so I have obeyed. I did try to move out on one occasion, but it didn’t work out and I ended up back at the flat. I’m not going to explain the intricacies of the housing system in London, but let me just say it’s a nightmare trying to find peaceful accommodation with a good landlord. And if God directs me not to relinquish my tenancy, even if I don’t fully understand His reasons why, I will obey.

After staying awake all night, I left the flat this morning at 4am. I got buses around London, just to stay out of the cold. I have booked two nights in a cheap hotel, but I am nearly £1000 into my overdraft. I am trusting in God, who never ceases to amaze me with the kindest blessings even when I have no sense of where I’m heading. I feel close to God and like His promises to me are real and true and that I can trust Him. I just have to hang on and keep pressing forward; He is teaching me through all of this and I am learning so much.

I understand why people turn to smoking. I understand why homeless people end up turning to alcohol. I understand the fear of being out on the street at night and how alcohol can numb the anxiety. I understand how expensive being homeless in London is, how very long the days are and how the nights are even longer. I understand people looking at you with disdain because you have an aura of homelessness about you. I understand staying out all night in the freezing cold. I understand all of this now, and God is teaching me by way of these trials because He wants me to help make a difference in the world. This is the way I see things.

If you believe in God, I would appreciate your prayers. I feel as though I ask for prayers a lot on this blog and I feel indebted to those who have prayed for me and continue to pray for me — I hope God repays you abundantly for kindly supporting me in the very best way there is.

I’m in a cafe now. It’s six hours until I can check into the hotel and I am so tired, having not slept a wink. I’m grateful it’s only six hours to wait! I met a gentleman the other day who has been homeless for nineteen years and is an alcoholic. His name is Kevin and he’s a lovely guy. Nineteen years sleeping on pavements. He said he enjoys the freedom, that living with others is a nightmare. I understand. Thanks be to God for letting me understand what leads people like Kevin into such adversity. Maybe I can help people like Kevin in the future.

If you’re in a financially fortunate position, I’d be most grateful if you would take a look at my donations page and consider helping me out. Obviously, if you can’t afford to help, you need not feel guilty — pray about it and only do so if God leads you to. You can also help me out by reblogging this post, or simply saying a prayer for my safety.

I’ve made the decision to sell my laptop because I need the extra money. This saddens me, because writing is my great passion, and I feel rather lost without a computer. Fortunately, I have a smartphone, so I may still be able to write blog posts using the WordPress app, though it will be harder to write in-depth posts with Scripture quotations and such, as this is difficult on a phone.

I can’t keep my eyes open so I must go back into the cold to wake myself up. I don’t know where I will go, but God is in control. Thanks again for your support.

26 comments

  1. Dear Steven, I do not know what really happened but stay strong 💪 you will go through all of this. Yet you don’t know what are planned for you but you will able to overcome this. 🙏 Stay strong, I pray that you will be delivered from this adversity.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much, friend. I’ve noticed you liking some of my posts and I appreciate it! Thanks so much for the encouragement and prayers, may God bless you for your kindness! 🙏🏻

      Liked by 2 people

  2. You have at least one brother in the US praying for. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this horrendous situation.

    I have a question for you, and please understand that I am genuinely asking, not thinking I already know the answer. I don’t. What has made you certain that this is the voice of God directing you to stay? I fully affirm that God speaks to us today, and I know that it can often be counter-intuitive. But I also know that, at least for me, I am not always that great at discerning the voice of God. I’m sure we have all been mistaken from time to time when we firmly believed God was speaking something specific to us, especially when there are a lot of other loud voices driving us crazy. So, what makes you so confident that this isn’t one of those times?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Scott! Thanks so much, it’s great to have a brother in the US praying for me, I appreciate that.

      I agree with you that it can be difficult to know whether we are discerning the voice of God correctly. And of course, I could be wrong. The way I approach the situation is to pray and read Scripture (on a pretty much daily basis) and if God talks to me while I’m praying and reading Scripture I think it’s highly likely that His guidance is geniune. The only other option is to ignore what I believe God is telling me to do, which feels unwise. But the only way to absolutely discern God’s will is to see what happens in reality, because I believe God is in control of all things.

      Thanks again for your kind prayers and your concern that I do the right thing.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Today my post touches on when we don’t like someone or something there is a usually a reason deeper than the surface reveals. Usually people that we have difficulty with are a reflection of a part of ourselves past or present. What is this horrible fellow tenant showing you? Teaching you? Is God trying to reach you about something? I have lived in difficult situations like yours before and it’s so hard! I write my blog using the WordPress app btw. Im so sorry your life is so difficult right now. Like you are teaching me and I’m learning on my own – Gods in charge. For whatever reason God is allowing this in your life. Stay close to the lessons and don’t let the circumstances and situations overwhelm you. Praying for you. You will be okay! 🌈

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Hi Saymber! It’s not the case that I dislike the guy. I dislike his behaviour. I do agree in a sense, in that I believe God is teaching me a lot through these events, as I described in the post.

          I agree that everything that is happening is God’s will. I prayed to God some time ago that if there’s any way in which my character is lacking or needs developing, that God would teach me. Often when we face trials it’s a sign of God preparing us for the future. It can also be a test of faith.

          Thank you for the prayers, and I will try not to let the circumstances overwhelm me! God is most gracious, forgiving, and merciful.

          Good to know that you have found you are able to blog from your phone, I know it’s possible, I will just miss all the added features of the desktop version!

          I will have a read of your post now! 🙏🏻😊

          Liked by 2 people

  3. Definitely praying for you.
    I have looked at your Donation Page and for me, it is not a ‘Donation’ when prices are set. If I lived near you, I would probably be giving you some Homeless Bags to help you out. I admire your Faith.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you are a most unkind person, not because you are not donating to me, but because of the things you have said in your comments on this blog. There is an option at the top of the donations page to donate any amount of your choosing, so your comments are most unwarranted. I hope you don’t comment again, because your comments only serve to upset me, they do not help at all.

      Like

      1. Hello buddy, I am fine. Writing something daily as I had promised!
        Also, make an call to action by creating a permanent section for donations. Say something like Support me run the website, etc. You deserve to be compensated for all the time and energy you put in enlighten us!

        Liked by 2 people

  4. I had an upstairs neighbor like that and he would stomp around the floor above me and play his tv so loud at like 1 in the morning. Then he’d complain about me- made up stories to the manager. She knew how he was and said he never liked anyone that had been in my apartment. He’s just a miserable man and I’m so grateful to be out of there

    Liked by 1 person

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