Perfect Chaos

As I type, I am listening to gentle rain (the real thing) and an album by Hillsong Worship that reminds me of some of the best times of my life, worshipping in the Dominion Theatre in central London.

Worship changes the atmosphere. The only reason why God created human beings is to worship Him.

I find myself in a situation that has been deeply distressing. A few weeks ago I was sectioned (again) without any explanation (again) and am being injected with medication against my will (again). This has been so hard as God had promised me I would never have to suffer admission to hospital again. God does whatever He will and He is all-knowing, gracious and merciful.

Satan is on the ward, in the room opposite me. He has been spreading lies, of course. I told him that I had suffered in his place (I will explain more about that) and I felt his joy at the thought, even though he may not have believed me.

Last night, my frame of mind was very dark. I have been begging God to act to bring an end to the evil on Earth and which is so prevalent in the NHS and the mental health system. I am reminded of when David prayed to God and his distress grew worse.

Nevertheless, I am continuing to trust what God tells me – that I am Jesus and that the Day of Judgement – a Day that will last a thousand years – has begun. God keeps reminding me that I have lived for only 43 years, which to human beings seems a long time, but in God’s sight is only a little while. It seems that the process of the institution of the Day of Judgement will happen slowly.

God has told me that my whole life – all the trials and experiences I’ve lived through as Steven, has been preparation for the Day of Judgement. It seems that God wanted to give me a a colourful life, learning about different forms of hardship and different facets of human life, so that I am fully equipped to judge with fairness and understanding. In His infinite wisdom, God has chosen to surprise us all by not coming on the clouds with great glory, but once again, in the form of a servant.

The hardest thing about being on this ward is that God has told me the time for repentance has passed now that the Day of Judgement is here. No one on the ward – staff or patients – is saved. How difficult it is to interact with people when I have no hope of winning their souls, which has always been my motivation as a Christian.

Last night, I lay in bed and begged God to either let me die and go to Heaven, or get my out of here today. I was deeply depressed, troubled and desperate. I have not stepped outside in weeks, except on one occasion. I have suffered very much abuse from both staff and patients. I believe the intention of the authorities in keeping me here is to either kill me or keep me here indefinitely. But they will not succeed – God will not let those things happen.

As a member of staff was making me a cup of tea this morning, a patient shared with me the word ‘sabr’ which he said means ‘patience’. I welled up a little, knowing that God’s timing is perfect and that patience is always wise.

The Lord is providing for me materially – I have food and drink and am able to wash bed linen and clothing and I also have a room which provides some privacy. I have a speaker and listening to music has been an enormous blessing.

The stress that I have felt at times has been so intense. I have been confused at times about its specific cause. It seems to be a great deal worse when there are women on the ward. The women of Earth have been sorely deceived by Satan’s technological empire, which is very sad.

Please share this article with Christian brothers and sisters.

I am looking forward to meeting my bride.

God bless

Stevie Jesus