Perfect Chaos

The Blog of Author Steven Colborne

Opening Up

I shared some thoughts several months ago around the subject of hearing the voice of God. The voice I heard, and still hear, tells me I am God of Earth. The voice is not audible, but it’s distinct from the voice I hear when I’m in regular contemplative thought. It is quite distinctly and undeniably the voice of God.

It’s an especially difficult subject to write about because I have been held in a psychiatric hospital for the last three months, mainly because I hate lying and so told the consultant and the nurses that God talks to me. I explained that this is not particularly unusual – my Christian friends often mention the Holy Spirit talking to them and the Bible is full of instances of God talking to people. Nevertheless, the consultant insists I am deluded.

Matters are somewhat complicated by the fact that when God talks to me, He sometimes lies. For example, on a few occasions during this admission God has said, “You’re being discharged today, I promise”, but then I haven’t been discharged. Although I find this difficult, God has also said to me that He would only ever break a promise to me in order to give me something better, and this makes sense – though He was lying, His promises brought me hope, which is a great mercy.

Several people have asked me how I know it’s the voice of God I hear, rather than the Devil, for example. My answer is that I find it hard to believe it could be the Devil – I say the Lord’s Prayer every morning when I wake up, I read the Bible and the Qur’an throughout the day, and I prostrate myself in prayer throughout the day. I pray in Jesus’ name. Would I really be doing these things if the Devil is controlling my thoughts? In any case, the voice I hear is always loving, I don’t think this would be the case if it were demonic.

The voice that speaks to me tells me things about my future; that I will be establishing a multi-faith church and putting on debates between Christians and Muslims. These are not merely selfish ambitions, I have said to God I am more than happy to be a street sweeper – all I want is to be in right relationship with Him and to be held in His blessing and favour, escaping the fires of hell and being admitted into paradise on the Day of Judgement. I take the warnings about hell in the Bible and the Qur’an very seriously, because God has the power to subject people to agonising torment, and this is warned about sternly in the aforementioned sacred Scriptures.

Returning to the subject of being God of Earth, I have of course questioned this repeatedly and wholeheartedly, although I sometimes feel guilty doing so because when Abraham heard instructions from God he believed God and it was reckoned to him as righteousness. This leads me to believe I should have the faith of Abraham and trust what God says to me, even when I feel He could be lying.

Someone reading this may argue that the Bible says it’s impossible for God to lie and therefore if I think God is lying to me I must be deluded, but I dispute the idea that the God who created the universe is unable to lie. It seems obvious to me that He can do anything within the realms of possibility and therefore of course He can lie. Why would He lie? Either to give something better or for other reasons He has no obligation to explain or justify – He is God and does whatever He will.

Something I’ve been struggling with recently is that God says to me that I have the power to give people cancer and/or send them to hell. I pray for mercy for all sentient beings regularly, so I don’t think this is vindictiveness. God also says that cancer or hell are always His decision and that I will not be held responsible. I want to emphasise that I only desire a world of peace, equality, and freedom from corruption and suffering, but if anyone thinks I’m being vindictive they should read the Qur’an and they will see the severity of God’s promised punishment for those who don’t repent and do good deeds. God isn’t vindictive, He is just.

I have explained in other posts, now deleted, my understanding of the way in which I am God of Earth. I am not a god besides God, and I have none of the attributes of God; I am a human puppet just like you and everyone else. The only difference is that God inhabits my body at certain times to carry out certain plans; He could just as easily do this with anyone else’s body.

Why would God choose me? He says He loves me dearly and that I have suffered more than any other human being in history, and that suffering is the thing He values most. He says my ‘promotion’ to God of Earth is partly a reward for my suffering and partly unmerited favour. As I don’t believe in free will, I don’t think Steven has done anything in particular to earn the role, it’s God’s subjective decision. The role He has for me is to bring peace and justice to Earth and to usher in a new era of interplanetary relations. I will apparently live for a very long time (in human terms).

As I sit here in my hospital pyjamas I don’t know what to believe, but what I do know is that God is in control of everything that happens, and that the only way to know the will of God for certain is to see what transpires in reality. I have questioned this ‘calling’ so much, even repented about it as I would hate to be guilty of blasphemy or idolatry, but I don’t know what more I can do – I’m compliant with medication, I pray for the truth and only the truth…

All I’m doing in writing this post is sharing my honest thoughts and feelings. May God have mercy on my soul and keep me and everyone reading this grounded in Truth, whatever that is. I’m now going to pray earnestly about whether or not I should publish this post. So if you’re reading it, you know what God said…

Steven Colborne

About Me

Hello, I’m Steven and I’m a philosopher and author based in London. My main purpose as a writer is to encourage discussion about God. I write about a wide variety of subjects related to philosophical theology, including divine sovereignty, the nature of God, suffering, interfaith dialogue and more. My mantra: Truth heals.

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