About

Hi, I’m Steven, welcome to my blog! I’m 35 years old and I live in London, England. I’m here to discuss all the big questions that philosophers and theologians ask about life, God, reality, morality, and existence.

I have studied Philosophy and Religion at postgraduate level, but my main qualification is my life’s journey, which has been turbulent, wonderful, and very spiritual.

Perfect Chaos

The world is seemingly chaotic, but in reality all events unfold under the control of an omnipotent God – that is the vision behind the title of this blog and many of the articles written here.

I am a Christian, always seeking to grow in my understanding of theological and doctrinal issues in order to nourish my faith and grow into a more mature believer. This blog is a vehicle which helps me to do that, and it allows me to raise questions and problems about the Bible and Christian doctrine that I find difficult to understand or accept. With the help of your comments and interactions we can delve deeper into the wonder and mystery of the Christian faith.

My Spiritual Journey

During my younger years I was an atheist, and I was very dismissive of the idea of God, believing religion to be fantasy and seeing believers as naive. I would even say that the idea of God angered me.

A turning point was watching my mother pass away after a gruelling battle with cancer and a hostile breakup with my father. During my mother’s illness she became very interested in new age spirituality, and I found inspiration in the teachers to whom she was looking for healing. For the first time in my life I developed a yearning for truth, and became obsessed with the idea that I could attain enlightenment or self-realisation.

After my mother died my spiritual journey became really chaotic. I went on various meditation retreats and spent my time reading and listening to many spiritual teachers, including Deepak Chopra, Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle, Ramana Maharshi, and many others. I experienced turbulent mental health during this time and was full of confusion, depression, and hopelessness.

The next big turning point for me was when, in a very dark hour, a friend recommended to me that I try psychotherapy. This hadn’t really occurred to me as I was so engrossed in Eastern religion and was very sceptical about healthcare in the West. But I was desperate, and so I decided to give it a go.

My psychotherapy sessions were truly wonderful and a tremendous amount of growth and healing took place as I talked for the first time in my life with someone who I felt could understand me, relate to my experiences, and shed some light on the chaotic mess of thoughts I was experiencing. I shed many tears and began to come to terms with the emotional pain I experienced growing up and watching my family fall apart and my mother suffer.

I remember in one session, my therapist mentioned the word God, and that was like a floodgate opening and the emotions just poured out of me. Perhaps that was the moment when I felt God’s love poured into my being for the first time.

I continued to have mental health problems and after a long episode of psychosis I ended up in psychiatric hospital for the first time. I was really struggling and I remember asking for a Bible that I could read in my hospital room. The fact that I did this is quite amazing considering my past as an atheist and new age spiritualist.

Reading from Holy Scripture and writing out Bible passages in my hospital room, I began to understand the Gospel and who Jesus is and how His life, death, and resurrection related to my life and circumstances. It wasn’t long before I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour and I began to see how He is the way, the truth, and the life, and the only means by which we can attain spiritual peace.

From that time onward I have enjoyed a personal relationship with God, and although my life has continued to be turbulent (I have been in psychiatric hospital four times since 2007) my faith in Jesus has been like a rock and an anchor, underpinning everything that I do, wherever God places me.

Moving forward

I’m so grateful for the love of God and the comfort I feel knowing Jesus is alive and listening to my prayers. I currently attend a thriving evangelical church in the heart of London, and I read the Bible every day as well as serving God through several ministries I am involved with.

If you’re interested to learn more about my spiritual journey, I have documented it in my book The Philosophy of a Mad Man, which is available here. If you are hard-pressed for funds I would be happy to send you a copy free of charge.

I recently started a YouTube channel called The Growing Christian – this is something God placed on my heart to do and on the channel I share my testimony as well as discussing theological matters and vlogging about my walk with Christ. Please consider subscribing if this is of interest.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading a little of my story. May God bless you, and thank you for stopping by!

Where next? Why not explore some of my recent articles featured on the home page.