Steven Colborne.jpgHi, I’m Steven, welcome to my blog! I’m a 35 year old Brit, born in Cambridge, raised in Oxfordshire, and currently living in London, England.

I’m here to discuss all the big questions that philosophers and theologians ask about life, God, reality, morality, and existence.

I have studied Philosophy and Religion at postgraduate level, but my main qualification is my life’s journey, which has been turbulent, wonderful, and very spiritual.

Perfect Chaos

The world is seemingly chaotic, but in reality all events unfold under the control of an omnipotent God – that is the vision behind the title of this blog and many of the articles written here.

If you explore this blog you will find two distinct and sometimes conflicting theological perspectives. On the one hand, you’ll read about my Christian faith; my love for the gospel and the Christian Scriptures, and my profound fear of God. On the other hand, you’ll encounter my views concerning the nature of God and how He is in control of everything that happens. For me, God’s omnipresence necessarily impliesΒ that there is no free will, which is a very un-Christian belief. Hopefully you can see the predicament…

My Spiritual Journey

During my younger years I was an atheist, and I was very dismissive of the idea of God, believing religion to be fantasy and seeing believers as naive. I would even say that the idea of God angered me.

A turning point was watchingΒ my mother pass away after a gruelling battle with cancer and a hostile breakup with my father. During my mother’s illness she became very interested in new age spirituality, and I found inspiration in the teachers to whom she was looking for healing. For the first time in my life I developed a yearning for truth, and became obsessed with the idea that I could attain enlightenment or self-realisation.

After my mother died my spiritual journey became really chaotic. I went on various meditation retreats and spent my time reading and listening to spiritual teachers, including Deepak Chopra, Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle, Ramana Maharshi, and many others. I experienced turbulent mental health during this time and was full of confusion, depression, and hopelessness.

I’ve been in and out of psychiatric hospital a few times, and it was actually during my first spell in hospital that I found the ‘enlightenment’ I had been searching for. Much to the surprise of those who knew me, I asked the hospital staff for a Bible, and spent hours writing out passages of Scripture in my hospital room. I began to understand the Christian gospel and developed an awareness of the reality of God for the first time.

During periods where my mental health has been stable, I’ve keenly developed my interest in religion and spirituality. I returned to university to study Philosophy and Religion (my undergraduate degree had been in Commercial Music), and I’ve attended a variety of churches since my first hospital admission in 2007. I got baptised in water in 2015, and baptised in the Holy Spirit in 2017, but I’ve continued to struggle with certain aspects of the Christian faith and don’t currently attend a church.

My Writing

My spiritual journey has given me some wonderful insights into the major problems of theology, and I’ve written two books, many essays, and dozens of blog posts discussing my worldview and a wide range of issues related to philosophy, religion, spirituality, and mental health.

If you’re interested in understanding the struggle I have with the Christian faith, probably the best way is to read my essay entitled ‘An Almighty Predicament’, which can be downloaded as a free PDF here.

Your visit is hugely appreciated! Thank you and God bless you!

Steven πŸ™πŸ»


  1. Great stuff Steven. Thanks for stopping in and commenting on my blog. Sorry it to so long to get to your blog. I will subscribe so I can keep up with you.

  2. I am sure I would love to discuss with you but right now I can get passed how cute you are. I shared a link to your book on my facebook page and I will certainly take some time to do some reading here soon.

    1. You have put a big grin on my face and have made my day! Thanks so much for being so kind and for sharing the link to my book on your Facebook page, I really appreciate it. I’m sure that you and I would have a lot to talk about, comparing our experiences and our views on God and humanity… please stay in touch! Steven x

  3. I am sure that it will be my great pleasure, you remind me of three of my favorite male characters combined. Are you ready? Russel Brand, Adam Ant and Dumbledore or Merlin. LOL Take care. have a happy day. I will share the link to your book around FB.

    1. Thanks so much, TJ, for you kind comment! Both of my books are relatively short and easy to read and they weren’t a chore to write. I really enjoyed the process. They say everyone has a book in them so maybe yours in somewhere in the pipeline? πŸ™‚ Best wishes, S x

  4. There it is. My trouble was that i was using the mobile sight i guess lol. Just to re-emphasize my point from Twitter, but not in a condemning way, what you’re suggesting is heretical. It stands diametrically opposed to the teachings of scriptures.

  5. I’m glad you “Liked” my post because it brought me to yours. Thank you for honestly expressing emotional and mental health issues. Believe me, many believers struggle with anxiety and depression and other conditions but so seldom share such battles. Too often well meaning Christians will recite a verse, “Be anxious for nothing!” when true understanding and prayer is needed to refresh the suffering believer. May the Lord continue to encourage and inspire you!

    1. Dear Lisa,

      Many thanks for visiting my blog! I was intrigued to read about your journey – it sounds as though you have served the Lord in some amazing ways during your life and career. I’m looking forward to reading more. I think my experience with mental illness has taught me a lot about God and spirituality, and actually some of my hardest times have been the most key to my spiritual development. There have been some really tough times, but I can also say God has been wonderfully gracious to me.

      Please do keep in touch and have a wonderful week.

      Peace and blessings,


  6. In many ways I’m an atheist, but I just cant deal with the fact that our lives are without purpose. There must be something more than the here and the now….. Therefore I believe in Christ because his deliverance is free, without commissions…

    1. Interesting! I’m wondering – have you read the Bible? Or the whole New Testament at least? Just curious πŸ™‚ Also, thank you for your comment about my Essays page – I know people are sometimes reluctant to download things so I do understand and will take on board your comment. Blessings and have a great day buddy.

  7. So awesome to read your testimony! I’m so glad that you found Jesus and an answer to your hopelessness. I’m sorry to hear that your mom passed away; I hope that you’ve been able to find some healing. My Dad passed away unexpectedly four years ago and it has been difficult at times to move on. But his impact on my life and the memories of him remain. I look forward to reading more of your blogs! Only wish I’d started sooner! Blessings to you, brother! πŸ™‚

    1. Hi Sarah! Thank you for your kind words. I’m sorry to hear you lost your dad. As you suggest, there is a healing process when we lose someone to whom we’ve been so close. Really pleased we’re connected and I’ll look forward to reading more of your blog too πŸ™‚ Have a wonderful day! Steven πŸ™πŸ»πŸ˜Š

  8. I have a set of beliefs that fall loosely into a sort of Western Buddhism. I think our karma does indeed largely determine how we think and act from moment to moment, but alongside that karma is a small proportion of free will — maybe a tiny percentage, but it’s there. That’s where my faith lies, because I sense that if we don’t have some degree of free will, we are pretty much doomed. So I may not totally understand your dilemma, but it makes some sense to me.

    1. Hiya Mel πŸ™‚ Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. I was very interested in Buddhism for a season, but came to believe in the personal active God described in the Abrahamic religions. A God who created and sustains the Universe and is present in all the details, working out a plan for existence with great care and intricacy.

      Your blog looks wonderful, I was pleased to discover it and will take a look at some more of your articles πŸ™‚

      All the best! Steven

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