Perfect Chaos

The Blog of Author Steven Colborne

Writing, though lost for words

Hi, friends! It’s been quite a few days since I last posted and I felt it would be good to share what’s been happening and what’s on my mind. In all honesty, I’m not sure what to write and I had to push myself to ‘put pen to paper’, so apologies if this article isn’t perfect in its content and construction. I will do my best!

I’ve been feeling drained and overwhelmed by life in recent days. I have been keeping a mood diary and the entries show that I have been depressed most days, though not bitterly so. The app that I’ve been using to log my mood is called Moodistory — it’s free in the app store should any of you feel you’d like to give it a try. While there are blessings in every day, it’s been a long time since I experienced a joyful state of mind. I’ve been feeling exhausted, largely because of issues related to mental health and accommodation, some of which I’ve written about in recent posts.

I am not currently homeless, and after prayerfully considering everything over the last few days, I felt it best to return to the flat, even though this has created and continues to create a lot of anxiety. I have been trying to focus on the positive aspects of living here (there are many) and trying not to let the worries and problems related to living here get me down. I have set reminders to pop up on my phone every day with the intention of keeping me grounded in my relationship with God and the teaching of Scripture, and these reminders have proven to be comforting and helpful.

I feel as though the main reason for my recent depression is the state of the world and how corrupt everything is. The thought that keeps coming to my mind is that God’s judgement must surely be coming upon the world soon. We find in Scripture that God allows communities to become more and more corrupt before administering judgement, and I feel we’re presently in an acute ‘corruption stage’ in the unfolding of God’s plans. I don’t know if I’m alone in feeling this way, but it seems to me that the world is particularly evil at present. Whether it’s a sign of the ‘end times’ I do not know, God only knows.

It’s hard feeling as though I have no one to talk to. My faith in God and my love for the Qur’an have left me feeling isolated. I’m sure there are many Christians at this time taking great comfort in their faith communities, but I have no community as my beliefs and understanding of reality are unorthodox. I can’t attend church, because I don’t believe Jesus is God. I can’t attend a mosque, because God has told me that engaging in Muslim rituals is not part of my calling. Even those closest to me do not understand or relate to my perspective on spiritual matters, which means I am rather isolated and lonely much of the time.

I will sign off with a few words of encouragement for anyone else who is struggling right now. Read Psalm 37 if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the evil in the world. Read the Qur’an if you are in any doubt as to what God requires of you and how you can have the best chance of avoiding hell on judgement day. Also, feel free to read one or more of my books (which are all currently free as eBooks) as they may help you to feel more grounded in matters of faith and truth. Thank you for reading and God bless you.

Steven Colborne

About Me

Hello, I’m Steven and I’m a philosopher and author based in London. My main purpose as a writer is to encourage discussion about God. I write about a wide variety of subjects related to philosophical theology, including divine sovereignty, the nature of God, suffering, interfaith dialogue and more. My mantra: Truth heals.

Click here to view my books


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