Perfect Chaos

Greetings, friends. Glory to God! He is the all-sufficient one, mighty and wise.

As the rain pours down here in London I’m feeling reflective and have mixed emotions. Some good news: I now have unescorted leave for half an hour twice a day. This is a great mercy and I thank you once again for your prayers.

I agreed with the consultant today that I will pick up the keys to my flat on Monday. While I feel optimistic about this, memories of the suffering I went through at the hands of my neighbour have been occupying my mind.

Of course, in any situation there are always infinite possibilities, and there’s no reason to suggest things can’t be much better if I carry on living in the flat. Prayer can and does produce miracles. But I’m also aware I could face further trials and hardship, depending on the will of God.

I am certainly keen to be discharged from hospital. Things haven’t felt safe on the ward for weeks. But I fear it might be a case of ‘out of the frying pan and into the fire’ when I am discharged, so I will be praying that such concerns are unnecessary.

At least, if I’m living back in the community, there is more freedom. I can take day trips to parks or make visits to places of interest in London – a wonderful distraction from hostilities at home. And I do love my flat, it would be perfect if it weren’t for the neighbour issues.

I try to remain focused on the things of God at all times, reading the Bible and the Qur’an daily, and trying to live in such a way as to be obedient to the will of God and how He instructs us to live in Scripture.

God always presents those who seek after Him with trials; trials that test our patience and perseverance. But the Qur’an also says that when we follow God, He will ‘smooth our way towards ease’, and this keeps me optimistic about the future.

These last three months have been some of the hardest of my life, but I hope to leave hospital without any hard feelings and with a quiet optimism that God has used this time to teach me many things that will benefit my service to Him in the future.

As readers of this blog, you have put up with a lot from me. I have been posting every day for weeks, and many of you have prayed for me, sometimes repeatedly. May God repay your generosity with blessings, and I hope you have found some encouragement in my posts alongside my tales of the struggles I’ve been through while on the ward.

It’s not over yet, things are still unsafe, and while discharge has been discussed I don’t yet have a date when this will happen. I hope it will be next week, but it depends on the will of the consultant, and most importantly, the will of God.

One lesson I feel God has been teaching me while on the ward is that we have to remain steadfast in faith, whatever happens. We have to be thankful each and every day, embracing our circumstances and continuing to be kind and generous, even when we are mistreated.

When I think of Saint Paul and the imprisonments, stonings, and other trials that the apostle went through, I can look at my own trials in recent months and feel nothing but gratitude for the abundant mercies I have enjoyed each and every day.

Wishing you grace, peace, and mercy from the One True God, who is Master of the Day of Judgement, and who knows the secrets of every heart and promises to administer perfect justice. Amen.