Perfect Chaos

The Blog of Author Steven Colborne


Life Update

Greetings, dear ones. I do hope you are feeling joyful today and are grounded in faith in the Most High God. This is really what matters, more than family and friends, more than work. Be mindful of God and strive to obey Him. This is surely wise.

Today was wonderful and also challenging for me. This morning, I made some updates to some of my books. I decided to change every mention of PerfectChaos.blog to PerfectChaos.org. I own both domain names and the .blog name simply points to the .org name. But this could be a little confusing for readers, and I hate confusion and love simplicity and clarity. It felt reassuring to have updated the books to make this improvement.

I’m struggling with the medication I am being forced to take. I spent a few hours lying in bed today and feeling unwell from the side effects. It’s not easy to put into words how the medication I’m taking makes me feel, but it is most unpleasant. I don’t think it makes any positive difference in my life at all. The only reason why I ended up in hospital was because of a very difficult accommodation situation and it’s not as though tablets and injections (I am being forced to take both) can help with that.

I am due to return to the hospital tomorrow afternoon for my discharge appointment. I am not feeling too enthusiastic about this. I find the consultant (who may be reading this, she told me she has visited the blog) very difficult to communicate with and understand. She is quite unpredictable, and unless I strive very hard to achieve clarity around what is discussed, I generally leave the appointments feeling confused, frustrated, and upset. This should not happen with a good doctor.

It’s important to point out that I don’t dislike the doctor. I don’t dislike anyone. But I do think she makes strange decisions and often speaks in a way that defies reason. I also worry she struggles with a lack of empathy and doesn’t understand (or doesn’t truly care) how distressing it can be on a psychiatric ward and having to take medication which does dreadful things to the body. If I mention side effects she is dismissive rather than compassionate. This is most upsetting.

It’s 7:30pm here in London as I type. For the last hour or so I have been listening to the Qur’an, which is why you might sense my tone is quite grounded. I cannot encapsulate in words how grateful to God I am that He led me to read the Qur’an. It is light and healing, an incredible mercy for humankind and for me personally. The Qur’an is the reason why I do not feel more distressed about having to go to the hospital tomorrow. I know that I can listen to or read the Qur’an and that will help me enormously, God willing.

I am mystified that more people don’t read my books. I think it’s partly due to a lack of interest in the subject matter, especially among people who are my ‘friends’ on Facebook. With people who read this blog, I cannot understand it. Maybe for some people, they feel the blog content is enough. It could also be that they perceive the books might not be interesting or valuable, I don’t know. Maybe I need to redesign some of the covers, though I can’t afford to do this. I will continue to do all I can to highlight the value of my books and it’s up to each individual and God whether or not they take an interest.

After watching an inspiring minimalism video on YouTube, I decided to have a ‘no spend’ month. I will only buy groceries and toiletries for one month and hopefully this will help me to get out of debt. It’s not easy to do this in the days of Amazon Prime, but it’s going pretty well so far. I am due to receive several payments but not until the end of the month. In the meantime, I am having to be really careful. I wish I had more money, to some extent for my own needs but also so I could be charitable with it. But God does whatever He will, He gives sparingly to whoever He will and abundantly to whoever He will. I am very grateful to God that He always provides for me abundantly.

On the subject of income, I am going to work hard to reach more people with my books and hopefully that will provide some income. I am also looking to do some proofreading, editing, and web editing (you can see this website I recently created for this purpose). Do let me know if you have a writing project and are looking for the kind of help I’m offering.

Friends, thank you for reading this article. I am going to return to listening to the Qur’an now and I have some food to eat later, thanks be to God. I would certainly appreciate your prayers for my trip to the hospital tomorrow for the discharge meeting. If I still have access to a device after the meeting, I will probably post an update tomorrow evening. God bless you and peace be with you.



2 responses to “Life Update”

  1. Best wishes on your meeting tomorrow 💙🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Most kind of you dear Krista! 🙏🏻💛

      Liked by 1 person

Steven Colborne

About Me

Hello, I’m Steven and I’m a philosopher and author based in London. My main purpose as a writer is to encourage discussion about God. I write about a wide variety of subjects related to philosophical theology, including divine sovereignty, the nature of God, suffering, interfaith dialogue and more. My mantra: Truth heals.

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